How To Have a Hard Conversation week 1
Review this week's message.
Hard conversations are part of lasting relationships.
“Let the Lord work on you before you go and work on them.” – Pastor Bil Cornelius
Start talking. Find a conversation starter for your group.
- What’s your favorite worship song right now?
- If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life what would it be?
- What comes to mind when you think of peace?
- What is the silliest thing you ever heard people disagree over?
Start thinking. Ask a thoughtful question.
- Why does God place such a high value on living at peace with others?
- How would you respond to the formula, “When you do A, I feel B”?
- Why should we specifically state the behavior, its affect and why it needs to change?
- Why is it important to confront someone without blaming them?
Start sharing. Choose questions that create openness.
- What fears do you have about confronting someone?
- What is to be gained if you confront someone and things go well?
- Do you react defensively to being confronted? How can you overcome that?
- Have you ever felt disrespected when someone confronted you? How could they have communicated differently to still get the point across but in a more respectful manner?
Start praying. Be bold, and pray with power.
Dear Jesus, thank you for loving us. We ask that you give us the courage to speak the truth with grace as we work to live in peace with others. In your name we pray, Amen.
Start doing. Commit to a step and live it out this week.
- God tells us that before we go to someone and have a hard conversation that we need to take it to Him first. Think about someone you need to have a conversation with, and write a letter to God about them. Share your frustrations and what you desire to come from the discussion.
- When it is time to have a hard conversation, state the specific behavior that needs to change and the impact that behavior has. Stay focused on the behavior and facts rather than making attacks or judgements on someone’s character. Assume the other person has the best of intentions, too.
- Pair up within the group and practice your confrontation skills of “when you said/did A, I felt B,” working to always be on their side while speaking the truth.
Work at living in peace with everyone.. Hebrews 12:14 NLT
“If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask Him, and He will gladly tell you…” James 1:5 TLB
“If you’re standing before the altar..giving an offering to God, and you suddenly remember someone has something against you, leave your offering there beside the altar. Go at once and first be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your gift to God.” Matthew 5:23-24 NLT
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again.. Matthew 18:15-16 NLT
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 NIV
“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed..” Ephesians 4:29 TEV
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23 ESV
Unfailing love and truth have met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed! Psalm 85:10 NLT
“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. Matthew 7:3-5 NLT